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ASBOs to be replaced by town square naughty steps

Home Secretary Theresa May announced yesterday that the controversial Antisocial Behaviour Order is to be replaced by more progressive discipline strategies such as stopping pocket money, confiscating...

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Shame-faced parents admit friends who warned about kids were right all along

Shame-faced parents George and Becky Smethurst today admitted that close friends who’d given them dire warnings about having children had been right all along. A tearful Mrs Smethurst said the couple...

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Unemployment figures slashed as government deems motherhood a full-time job

In the latest bid to tackle soaring unemployment figures, the government has today announced the reclassification of motherhood as full-time employment. ‘It is high time the dedicated, tireless and...

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Father of 10 gives government ‘benefit holiday’

A young Oxford dad, Darren ‘Dazzler’ Peacock, 28, today announced his intention to give the coalition government a bit of breathing space by giving them a benefit holiday – voluntarily giving up...

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Tragedy shows that gun skills should be taught in kindergarten, if not the womb

The tragic death of a firearms instructor at the hands of an unskilled 9 year old girl reinforces the need for early gun education, say experts. ‘I’m shocked that she was only getting her first...

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Scientists reveal running and jumping can lead to a child to feeling ‘puffed...

Banning athletics events such as the 100m and the long jump in schools could save some children from mild bouts of breathlessness say the UK’s chief medical officers.  ‘Let’s face it, as an exercise...

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Scouse kids to outsource car ‘minding’ to India

For five generations – nearly 70 years – proud Liverpudlians have handed the trade down from father to son. But soon the cheeky yet menacing call of ‘Can I look after yer car, Mister?’ that has been so...

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Tate and Lyle rescue school kids from the cane

In response to the dramatic decision by the government to alter the mood of millions of kids by forcing manufacturers to reduce sugar in soft drinks, Education Minister Damian Hinds is allowing...

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